A moment of silence for all the people who think I’m high all the time because my eyes are really red. Like nah bruh, I literally never sleep
my kid: whats for dinner
me: THIS FAT ASSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: *does split on the kitchen table*
I LOVE SHARKS!!!!!!!!
I lost it at 0:21
almost peed at 0:37
Me: Is this what it’s like to finally be famous
Imagine finding a dragon egg one day, and it hatches in your house and thinks you’re its mom. Then the next morning you wake up and find this mini dragon has gathered all the lose change and shiny objects in your house in a pile, and is gnawing on a nickel. And then when you take it out for walks, it picks up every coin it sees cause its a hoarder. And your house is eventually full of coins. And you are rich. And have a dragon.
My friend claimed he could play Flight of the Bumblebee and accompany himself. Then he did this.
My “homework is already taking over my life” depression is kicking in early this year